I AM NOBODY'S CHILD PART VIII

I was always happy when Chinese New Year came because there would be food and red envelopes (ang pao). I used to keep my ang pao money under the bed, but my mother always took it. She used the money to buy clothes for herself, while I had to wear torn clothes.

Even my underwear was torn. Still, I wore it because I didn’t have another pair. I was just a little girl — I had no money and didn’t even know where to buy new ones. It was supposed to be my mother’s responsibility to buy them for me.

Every morning before school, I never took a shower. I was too tired from drawing water by myself, and there was never any breakfast for me. I had no energy at all. So when I woke up, I just went straight to school. It was about 130 meters from home, and for a little girl like me, that felt very far.

I only took a shower once a day because I didn’t have the strength to draw water for both myself and my mother. I always prioritized her bath first. I can’t even remember whether my mother used soap or detergent to bathe. I only remember that I washed myself and my clothes using detergent. I never brushed my teeth because my mother never bought me a toothbrush or toothpaste.

When my breasts started to grow, I stopped going out of the house because I was ashamed — I didn’t have a bra. I only left the house to go to school. That’s when I stopped being a little servant at my mother’s and aunt’s houses.

One day, my father asked me why I never went out to play. I told him I was ashamed because I didn’t have a bra, while all my school friends wore one. My parents ended up arguing about it. I don’t know what they said, but finally, my mother bought me just one bra. So whenever it was washed and hung to dry, I couldn’t wear one.

When I was in junior high school, during the flag ceremony, I fainted. I hadn’t eaten enough, and my body was weak. Since then, I often had fevers every afternoon. It happened every day, and I couldn’t go to school for two weeks.

Finally, my father took me to a doctor. The doctor said I had typhus and gave me medicine, but I didn’t recover. So my father took me to another doctor, who said I had a throat infection. After taking that medicine, I finally recovered. I felt sorry for my poor father who had to pay so much for the doctors.

When I had my first period, I had to use cloth as a sanitary pad. I would wash it, dry it, and use it again and again — while my mother used branded sanitary pads from a well-known company.

One day, my father came home with a typewriter. He said it was an old office typewriter from his workplace. I used it to write my childhood story. As I typed, tears fell from my eyes and dropped onto the typewriter keys. I sent my story to several local and national magazines and newspapers. My story was published, and I received an honorarium — but sadly, my mother took it all and bought cosmetics for herself.

PART I Click Here

PART II Click Here

PART III Click Here

PART IV Click Here

PART V Click Here

PART VI Click Here

PART VIIClick Here

PART VIII Click Here

PART IX Click Here

PART X Click Here

PART XI Click Here

PART XII Click Here